Author Sam Tishner talks about the steps in her book, “Heal First, Love Second” where she gives steps on how to heal after a divorce or advice for healing at the end of any relationship where you lose yourself.
necessary steps for self healing after a divorce
(0:35) The author explains why she wrote a self-healing book about divorce
- Sam says after her second divorce she began to question how divorce happened twice in her life and she wondered if there was something missing in her life to get to two divorces.
- She realized she didn’t love and appreciate who she was. So she wasn’t attracting somebody who would love and appreciate her the way that she deserved.
- She says she came from a child of a divorced family. And so she made a commitment to herself that she would never get divorced. Yet found herself going through a divorce
(3:13) So many of us lose ourselves in relationships
- Whether that relationship is a marriage or not and although the tagline of Sam’s book is “healing after divorce” the steps in the book are for coming out of any relationship.
(4:27) Key takeaways of the healing process
- We discuss journaling and how she could see a transition in her journaling from the beginning of, “what’s wrong with me? What have I done wrong? What, how could all of this happen? You know, everything was my fault. Everything was me, I’m the broken one.”
- Something huge to be able to forgive yourself, to be able to forgive others
- Finding self-love and love and appreciation and who you are
- The 10 steps in the book are just the different things that I saw as I was reviewing my journal of the different things that I went through and the importance that it was for me to get through it and to find a sense of peace and to be able to move on.
(6:51) We talk about 3 different kinds of people
- Takers, givers, and happy people
- Often givers are with takers. Many times we see the takers with the givers but unfortunately, the givers sometimes don’t learn to give to themselves.
- If you’re a giver, you’re always going to have that heart to give. But have a hard time giving to themselves and need to practice self-care.
(11:36) Accept the past and choose not to live as a victim.
- That’s the ideal place to be is to not dwell on the past because it is what it is and I don’t want it to affect my future.
- Keep trying to take the steps to move forward, then it’s amazing how much easier each step gets and how much easier it is to move forward and find happiness and peace and love for who you are.
I can choose to live my life as a victim or process my feelings and leave the past in the past where it belongs. I started with one small change and the ripple effect continues to grow and change my life.Sam Tincher
(15:42) Sam’s encouraging words to single moms.
- Being able to look in the mirror at that beautiful face, that’s staring back, look into your eyes and tell yourself that you love yourself.
- Eventually, your brain is going to click into that. And you’re going to start to see yourself in a better place. You know, you are worthy of a beautiful life and a beautiful love whether that’s romantic or in any relationship that you have in your life.
- Each of us is put on this earth for a purpose and, it’s a good purpose. We just have to find our way to that purpose.
- Find your path, whether it is through my book, whether it’s finding a coach to help you, whether it’s going into therapy or some sort of counseling, take a step, you are worth the time to invest in you.